Can't escape the storm inside of me
by ouatcs
Summary: Takes place after S3 finale. Emma is having a hard time with her emotions. after ruining Regina's happiness and can't stop the guilty feeling. Even with her family and lover's suppor she can't believe that a happy ending is on ther cards for the savior. Captain swan agnsty two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

"Can't escape the storm inside of me"

AN: So this is my first fanfic ever, please bear with me. I was re-reading recent spoilers and re-watching frozen and I really needed to express my feelings! Also this is not betaed, all mistakes are my own. This take place after s3 finale and Emma is having some hard time with her emotions. The beginning it's just Emma's POV from the whole finals scenes in the finale following after my take on spoilers! And yes I'm aware that Elsa was probably heading to town and would not spend so much time unknown to our crew, but hey this is fanfiction just go along with it! It's a bit angsty, just a warning. Hope you like it :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to OUAT, everything belongs to Adam and Eddie and ABC.

* * *

It all happened too fast. One moment she was trapped in the past with Killian trying to go back to her family then she actually did and realized what home really was. Neal taught her that home was a place you just missed it and, God, she never missed her son and parents more, but at the same time she realized just how much Killian meant to her, how much she missed him when he wasn't there in Granny's, how much his mere presence become something so important to her. That both encouraged and frightened her, but she was tired of running, tired of her walls and fears. She realized that Killian is a part of her home, her happy ending, with him she could be just Emma, just his Swan. But just when she thought that everything would be okay, that the savior could finally get a day off, a so wished happy ending. She ruined it all bringing Marian back. She couldn't bring herself to regret it. No. She saved a life after all, but at what cost? Regina's happiness. Seeing Regina's practically breaking in front of her made her fell extremely guilty. Yes, she saved Marian's life but ruined Regina's relationship. What if it was the contrary? What if Regina and Robin had brought Milah back from the past? She couldn't bare it. Even the possibility of losing Killian made her heart break, Gods, Killian. Her pirate, her friend, her lover, her home. She couldn't lose him. Then she understood the pain Regina was feeling and couldn't help but feel even guiltier for taking her second chance away from her.

After Regina's break down she left Granny's furious with tears in her eyes, which made Emma feel even guiltier, with Henry following close behind surely trying to comfort her and offer the support that only a 12 year old boy could give his mother, leaving a very conflicted Emma behind. When the door closed, everyone was staring at Emma, who was speechless.

Emma could feel everyone's eyes on her but she couldn't care less. All she could care in that moment was the so very blue eyes she loved so much, showing her his love and support. Suddenly everything became too much, so she did the thing she did best, what she was tired of doing: she ran. Reading her like a book, Killian ran after her knowing just how much she needed him.

When Emma finally arrived at her room and saw Killian behind her she couldn't hold it any longer. "Why? Why do I always have to ruin everything?" Seeing that Killian was about to say something she continued "It's like I'm a poison, ruining everything I touch".

Killian's expression softened a bit while he said it very carefully "Emma, look at me," when Emma refused to look at those blue pearls he slowly approached her and lifted her chin keeping his hand caressing her cheek "Emma, you're a bloody brilliant, amazing woman. You're no poison. If anything you're a cure, a bloody marvelous savior. Never think so low of yourself, alright?"

Emma faked a smile that quite didn't reach her eyes and argued."Killian. I appreciate your admiration for me, but I know this is not true. I should have just listened to you and…"

Not leaving chance for her to continue Killian immediately said "Do you regret it?" Seeing her confused face he went on "Saving someone's life. Saving Marian's life. Do you regret it?"

Her expression softened a bit. "No, I don't."

"See, darling, I know this is not easy for you, but would you prefer to let her die? To let Regina kill her, because that's what was going to happen. Regina would kill her lover's, or ex-lover's wife, mother of his child. Besides, I'm sure the archer loves the queen. True love always finds a way" Looking at him, feeling the love and the comfort he always brought her she couldn't help but smile and agree.

"You are spending a lot of time with my mother, uh? But yes, it seems true love always finds a way after all" Killian smiled and hugged her, and there in her pirate's arms she found console and love she despairingly craved and needed. As they both slept trapped at each other's bodies, dreaming of true love and second chances, they had the best night of sleep they would have in a while.

* * *

While Emma and Killian wanted to believe that true love would always find a way, they weren't romantics, nor blind. They saw the miserable look in Regina's eyes and how lost Robin seemed in the middle of all this, or Marian hopeful looks only to be erased by Robin's distance, or even Roland and his so innocent and sweet face asking if mama and daddy were now a couple and would live together, or when he could see Regina and Henry again. It all became too much for Emma. Not even Killian's, Henry's and her parent's words of support could help her feel more lighter. Emma knew this was all her fault and as the days kept getting colder and colder she kept becoming guiltier and guiltier.

One especially cold day, Emma couldn't hold it any longer. And seeing the love shining from her lover's eyes she just couldn't handle it. She was Emma Swan, the savior, the lost girl, the poison, she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve her loving parents and charming brother, or her son, especially her pirate. She couldn't bring herself to just be happy, to show Regina the second chance she lost, that Emma took it from her. So she decided it was only fair for her to end things with Killian. She tried to put into her mind that he would leave her someday, that she was never enough but that stupid voice wouldn't shut up, that stupide voice that told Emma that Killian was different, that voice that believed in true love and sounded and awful lot like Henry. But regardless of that voice and the love she felt for him, she was the savior and the savior couldn't get a day off, couldn't worry about herself. No, she had to bring back happy endings and well if she took someone's happy ending it's only fair she would never get hers right? _Wrong, wrong, wrong_ the voice screamed but she couldn't listen to it. A happy ending is not in the cards for the savior.

Killian could sense Emma's behavior change in the past days. He hoped that his words and actions were enough to make her feel better but he knew his Swan and it didn't exactly make any difference. One particular day, he could feel her distant and very cold, like the day outside, so he tried to show her how much she meant to him, how much he loved her. However that didn't seem to work.

"Killian, I think we should talk," she said.

Sensing her tense posture and apprehension he raised one eyebrow and tried to be playful "Well, here I was thinking we established that when a woman says that I'm not in for a pleasant conversation."

Looking everywhere but in his eyes Emma continued "I'm serious here. I… I don't think this is working" the look in his eyes made her heart break and almost brought tears in her eyes.

"Why? What's wrong? What happened?"

"Well… uh… I think this, whatever there is between us, it doesn't work. We don't work," she said lamely.

"What? Emma, are you listening to yourself? This is bloody ridiculous. I don't believe this. Emma, I lo…" almost hearing that three little words coming from his mind was too much, she knew if she did she wouldn't have the straight to break up so she silenced him before anything could happen .

"No, no you don't. And I don't either. We could never be, you are…" _mine, my love, my true love "_a pirate and I'm the savior of this town. We are too complicated, any day or so one of us would leave the other why don't we just make things easier and end this before anyone gets hurt?"

Killian felt as his heart was being ripped out of his chest and crushed it slowly. "There it's where you're wrong, love. Yes, I may be a pirate and you the savior, but I would never leave you, never, you're the light among the darkness, Emma, my only and last hope, my love."

"Enough! You might never leave me, but I will leave you, I'm a lost girl, destined to be alone, it's better this way, it has to be this way, trust me"

"No it's not better. But you want me to go? Fine I'll do it. Because I love you completely with my whole body and soul, Emma Swan, if that's what you truly wish than I'll do it" Emma was a complete mess of feelings and all she wanted to do was kiss the life out of him, tell him she loved him too, but she knew she couldn't so she just nodded breaking two hearts with only one word.

"Go."

When Emma's door was closed the whole world seemed colder, loner, meaningless. She was completely broken, she only been this way before when she had to give Henry up. Losing her balance she uphold herself in the door falling slowly until she reached the floor, and that's when the reality hit her and she couldn't stop herself from sobbing between whispers of "I'm sorry, Killian" and "I love you" hoping that the pain would go away.

However Emma didn't knew that in the other side of the door was Killian, completely broken mirroring her position, crying silently, lost in his own mind, in his own storm, his darkness. That's when he heard her sobs, her whispers, her apologies and I love yous, that's when he knew that no matter what true love would find a way.

* * *

AN: This is a one-shot for now, maybe I will write an epilogue with a proper happy ending, who knows? Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Since some people requested a sequel I decided to make one. It's inspired by mags-love4forever prompt on tumblr: _CS prompt: Emma messes up and really hurts Killian, she realized what she've done and how much she misses him, how much she cares for him and she wants, needs him back! _Also it contains a bit of Captain Cobra. I couldn't help myself. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to OUAT, all rights belong to Adam and Eddie and ABC._

* * *

Emma was miserable. The days she spent without Killian were already killing here. With a new treat in town, no one less than Elsa, the snow queen, Emma went full savior mode, but even that wasn't enough. She couldn't get him out of her mind, especially his broken look when she made him leave her.

She haven't seen him since, thanks god, because she knew that if she saw him not even the guilty of destroying Regina's relationship would stop her from being with him. So she made sure she would avoid him.

Today however, she couldn't distract herself. She was alone with little Neal at the loft since her parents asked her if she could take care of the baby. Mary Margaret was going to try to talk to Regina and David would try to talk to Robin. Henry wasn't there either. He asked her if he could meet a friend on Granny's and she had let him. She had her suspicions that said friend was Killian, but tried to leave that thought out of her mind.

Although she thought she made a good job on hiding her broken status she really didn't. Killian broke her walls almost completely. It was hard for her to put a mask as she did before. Her parents noticed her wretched status and tried to comment on it but she quickly shut them down. Henry also tried to remark on it, saying once again his speech 'Not every guy is just gonna leave you. He wants to be with you, us, our family. He wants us to be his home. Besides he's really nice, you know. It would be pretty fun having him…around'. Before she had a breakdown in front of her kid she simply answered with 'It's more than that. It's complicated' and left the room.

Once she made her little brother go to sleep, remembering the way Killian would sing him an old navy lullaby, that always calmed the tiny one, the house become completely quiet leaving Emma alone with her own troubled thoughts.

Emma tried to keep in mind that he would eventually leave her someday, that she wasn't worth of love, that a happy ending isn't in the cards for the savior, but she couldn't believe in any of those things. Henry's and Killian's words were penetrating on her head. But then she remembered Regina's face back at Granny's when Marian was reunited with Robin and Roland and thought best of it. She decided to watch some cheap television, maybe some mysterious movie without romance to keep her mind out of all this complicated emotions.

* * *

Granny's was emptier than usual. With the days getting colder and colder people were instructed to leave their houses less often as possible. Killian was one of the few people in there. He was waiting for Henry. The lad said he had some import things to talk with him.

Although Killian was trying to be patient and have hope. He was in a pathetic state. He had to drink to oblivion to be able to sleep. And as the days passed he realized that his Swan was making everything to avoid him. He knew she needed space so he gave her. But not even seeing her was driving him to madness. So when Henry left a message through Ruby telling him to find him on Granny's the day after he accepted immediately.

The waiting for Henry was making him crazy. He passed weeks not hearing from his Swan he was like a thirsty men on a desert.

When Henry finally arrived a huge smile spread on Killian's face. "Evening, lad. Ruby says you have important things to discuss with me"

As Henry sat on the bench he answered. "Well, yeah. It's about by mom. She's been acting like a zombie since you two broke up and grandpa said you were pretty helpless too, so I decided to make a plan to get you two together again. A new operation. It could be called operation flamingo, or I don't know. I didn't really thought on a good name. So what do you say?"

Killian was taken aback by the boy's initiative. Henry was acting a bit distant after regaining his memories and Killian thought it was because of his father's memories. But seeing the lad, he already cared deeply for, waiting to unite him and his Swan again brought him a wave of happiness he didn't felt since his fight with Emma. "Operation flamingo sounds great. I'm so glad you want your mom and me together."

"Yeah. I see the way you look at her. It's the way grandpa looks at grandma. That's all I could wish for my mom," Killian was taken aback again and Henry gave him an encouraging smile "Now, Killian, I believe we have a plan to set."

"Yes, my boy. I believe we do"

* * *

In the first five minutes of the movie Emma was already bored and started to think of her pirate again. This time she thought in everything they've been through, everything they passed together, everything he did for her. All the moments, the beanstalk, the hospital, Granny's, Neverland, New York, Storybrooke again, their trip to the past. Then suddenly everything became quite clear for Emma. She realized how much she cares, misses and loves him. Not leaving chance for second thoughts she called Ruby asking her to look after baby Neal for a bit.

Ruby appeared at the loft soon after her call and Emma immediately went to look for her lover. Taking her bug, she headed to Granny's.

* * *

"I know you want us to be together, Henry, but perhaps we should let her take her time for a bit. I don't want to scare her; if she wants space then I'll let her have it." Killian hesitated "Maybe this isn't the best idea…" Henry didn't let him finish.

"I know my mom. She doesn't want to be away from you, she's just guilty. But I'm sure she'll come to her senses when she talks to you."

Killian considered Henry's words and remembered her whispers the day they broke up, her whispered apologies and declaration of love in between sobs and thought that maybe Henry was right.

A huge smile crossed Henry's face leaving Killian a bit confused "What?"

"Killian!"

He knew that voice. It was clear as crystal to whom it belonged. When he turned around he saw his Swan coming in his direction, with such a hopeful and loving expression on her eyes that took Killian's breath away.

"Swan! You're here. You're actually here." He couldn't stop the enormous smile on his lips. But part of him still doubt that everything was real. "Um, the lad asked me to meet him. I hope that's okay for you" he scratched behind his ear.

Before he knew Emma was on his arms. "God, Killian. I'm so sorry. You must hate me now. I'm so sorry. I missed so much"

"I could never hate you, Swan. I love you, can't you understand that?" He hugged her more tightly. "I missed you so much, too" The moment he said those words her lips were on his, kissing the life out of him. Her hands were on his hair, her tongue demanding entrance and he let her. He let her guide the kiss. They were so lost on each other that they almost didn't hear Henry's protest.

"Ew, gross. Get a room, please," Henry said with a smile on his face. When they didn't stop the smile left his face. "I know you missed each other and all that. But this is a kids environment, guys, you are making a show."

Emma and Killian broke the kiss, still holding each other, both blushing deeply. "I'm sorry, Henry, but maybe you'll have to get used because we're not letting go of each other for a long, long time." Emma said while looking at Killian.

"Really?" he asked not believing in what she said.

"Yeah." She gave him a chaste kiss. "Sorry, Henry, last one for now. I promise."

"It seems operation flamingo was a success without even beginning," Henry said, smiling at Killian.

"I'm glad to say so, yes."

"Operation flamingo? Am I missing something here?" Killian and Henry shared a knowing look with a smirk on both of their lips and then looked at her with an innocent expression. Emma raised an eyebrow and rolled her eyes.

Henry quickly changed the subject "Can we eat now? I'm starving" he gave her a puppy dog look and she couldn't bring herself to say anything but yes. They ordered and soon engaged on a happy conversation about nothing on particular, laughing every now and then.

There on Granny's dinner with her son and boyfriend Emma finally felt loved, like she belonged. She was truly home.

* * *

_That's it! I'm not really happy about it but regardless I hope you enjoyed! Feedback is always appreciated ;)_


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